When Beyoncé Give You Lemons…

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I had a lemonade stand in 1992. I wore my mink.

 

I had a baby three weeks ago. He is amazing. I was amazing. And its just a really amazing time to be home on maternity leave because Beyoncé broke the Internet and the world and every woman’s damn mind with her release of “Lemonade”. And since the only thing I’m doing other than changing diapers and eating peanut butter out of the jar is obsessively reading celebrity news, I’m fairly invested. Bey calling Jay-Z out for infidelity. Rachel Roy sorta kinda throwing shade. People thinking Rachel Roy is Rachel Ray. Its just great and really helps me forget that Prince died and my stomach currently looks like a Ziplock bag full of grits.

The stylish artistry and astute use of poetry in the visual album totally inspired me to get cracking and make my own multi-blog opus about my husband’s ultimate betrayal: the time he ate my leftover carne asada burrito. It still hurts and I need to process it. But I’m just so tired for all that emotion and hair braiding and, no matter how rarely I wear pants, I’m just not Beyoncé . Instead, I am going to steal the lemon thing and run with it.

But not lemonade because what are we, 9? This blog is about adult beverages. Let’s talk limoncello, the signature southern Italian liqueur. The weather of southern regions such as Sorrento, the coast of Amalfi, and island of Capri all are perfect for citrus fruits, the crown jewel of which is the Femminello St. Teresa lemon. The crisp and intensely lemony flavor is a result of a long zest infusion process, proving once and for all the handle bar mustached barkeep at your local Prohibition style bar didn’t invent the idea of infusions. Hear that, Salinger? I know that’s not your real name…

Much like sewing in one of Bey’s weaves, making limoncello is a slow process. Perfection takes time. The Italians think it should rest for at least 80 days, but speaking as a woman who once ate a partially frozen Toaster Strudel for lack of patience, I think 4-6 weeks is a more American friendly timeline. As a classic summer drink, I advise you start now to have a beautiful batch before the mosquitoes come home. Or, in SoCal, the goddamn people from Arizona.

Limoncello is traditionally served chilled as a digestif after dinner, but can also be an apéritif , a palate cleanser, mixed with sparkling wine, or even with gin and soda water for a strong Tom Collins preparation. I know of at least one guy who could use a stiff drink.

JAY

 

Limoncello

Limoncello

Ingredients

  • Dozen Organic Lemons I know. Organic. What is this? Goop? But honestly, non-organic lemons are covered with wax which you don't want in your infusion.
  • 6 Cup Vodka
  • 6 Cup Water from Lake Minnetonka Just kidding. RIP Prince
  • 6 Cup Sugar

Instructions

  1. Shallowly peel the lemon, making sure to only peel the yellow and not the white pith beneath which will result in a bitter flavor. So pretend like its your last Tinder date and don't go too deep.
  2. Pour vodka over the peels in a sealable container.
  3. Store the mixture away from sunlight for at least a week, if not two. Or, as you may better know it, two episodes of Game of Thrones.
  4. Simmer water and add sugar, constantly stirring as it dissolves. Let completely cool.
  5. Strain vodka away from peels, adding simple syrup with vodka back into container. Let rest away from light again for four weeks.
  6. Bottle. If your husband also won't let you buy anymore quirky apothecary style bottles, you can use mason jars you stole from Salinger's work.
  7. Store bottles in the freezer for up to a year. Probably longer, but lets be honest. This will be gone by July.
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One Response to When Beyoncé Give You Lemons…

  1. Amazing! Love I can get to the blog so easy. You did do so good having that large little boy. I can’t wait to enjoy a limoncello with you.

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